Consider the following situation:
You, your parents, your spouse, and your child are having a lovely picnic outing on a boat in the middle of the ocean. Suddenly, the boat begins to capsize, and you realize that you must rid the boat of extra weight in order to survive. Therefore you must choose whether or not to toss your parents (as a unit), your spouse, or your child overboard to save yourself and the rest of the family. Self-sacrifice is not an option. Also, you are too far from shore to swim in. And there are hungry sharks surrounding the boat. And the boat. Is. Sinking. Now.
Whom do you choose?
My classmates and I were confronted with this scenario as soon as we entered our first humanities class on Tuesday. I despise questions like this, because they make me feel like a terrible person, and they ignore physical properties, like the fact that a child weighs significantly less than adult parents, and honestly the question itself is rather irrelevant because I don’t own a boat. And I get seasick.
But, after much mumble-grumble and ho-humming, I chose my parents. Eighty percent of the class, in fact, chose their parents. Despite the fact that I am a terrible person, I must say I am a logical one. I cannot imagine throwing my child overboard, so he/she is completely safe. In addition, I am in a covenant relationship with my spouse, and I have become one with him, and I have left my father and mother for him. Furthermore, I could not remove my child’s father from his or her life. And, to conclude, mother and father have had beautiful, purposeful, long lives of pursuing Christ. And they would never ask me, my husband, or their grandchild to die in their place.
After the question had concluded with “parents” as the top choice, we were all feeling bad about ourselves. And then the instructor got to the point. As Americans, our natural conclusion is to choose our parents. However, if the same question is asked in a predominantly Asian culture, the majority of the answers will be “child” first, “spouse” second, and “parents” last. Apparently, it is completely out of the question to throw the parents overboard, just as it is completely out of the question to throw the child overboard in our society.
The wisdom of the older generations is more valuable than youth or marriage covenants, and parents expect their children to care for them as they age. It is perfectly common for parents to move in with their children after their children obtain an independent residence. Nursing homes and assisted living areas are essentially nonexistent, and rather offensive. The Chinese revere their parents, just as they revere their ancestors.
This exercise, although morbid, provided another dimension to my international experience. Chinese culture is a deep well, and I want to explore it and taste it.
Here are some other things I’ve noticed…
1. The One Child Policy in China basically states that every family in China is only allowed to have one child (obviously...) due to population control. If a mother has a second child, the family has to pay a $50,000 fine to the government. Otherwise, almost everyone gets an abortion. My heart hurts just thinking about it. There are, however, a few loopholes to the law. For instance, if the 2nd child is born in Hong Kong or anywhere outside of China and then brought back in to China, the fine is cancelled. Also, some wealthy families choose to just pay the fine up front so they can have another child. Or, families with a 2nd child don't register the child, so he or she is not a citizen...which means he or she can't go to school or possess any citizen privileges. Oh, but if one single child marries another single child, then they can have two children (so the One Child Policy almost rotates generations, in a way). And the adoption process is incredibly restricted. For example, a person can only adopt a child if he or she is married and over 40 years old and has no other children.
And so there is this whole generation of single children, and they all have SO much pressure to live up to their parents' expectations, and if the child is a girl, and if she gets married, she has to take care of both her parents AND her husband's parents, as well as her child and her traditional house-keeping chores. Women in the work force must fight both the system and sleep-deprivation to be successful.
2. Chinese meals are round-table affairs, with one menu per table – a tradition that creates much angst in our group of 30 students. This single menu custom stems not from the lack of menus available, but rather from the Chinese tradition of community (as opposed to the U.S. inclination toward individualism). Typically, one person orders food for the whole table (thus the single menu) and the dishes are shared collectively. There is no private property, or dish, in these restaurants.
3. The effects of Communism pervade even the smallest details. The most relevant to my current situation is that, so far, I have only discovered one brand of peanut butter here, and it is not Jif. Little lessons like these help me understand the Chinese government so much better: Communism = Lack of competition = No Jif. What a deprived people who know not what they lack in peanut butter selection!
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